good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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