; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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