First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
