i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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