drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
