I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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