I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I am available for nakedness
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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