he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
