The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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