You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
