i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
