I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
