when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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