Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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