She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
