Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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