i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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