She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.