you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.