How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.