Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
