Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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