You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
