Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
