I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I want to be your penis for a week.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
