i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
