it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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