Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
