she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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