I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize