fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
