I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
