she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
