I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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