Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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