I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My vagina is very pro this idea
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
