Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
