He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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