Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
