when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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