why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
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