1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
