Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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