That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
