Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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