wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
