i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
