My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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