It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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