you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
