Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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