so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
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you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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