Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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