i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
