Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
