mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
