I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
