i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
