Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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