My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
