It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
