Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
