Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
