The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
