all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
