no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
