You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
