It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
