Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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