ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
