You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
