he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
