Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
