so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
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Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
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I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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